I have a daily routine. I get out of bed, maneuvering around all of the pets and Andrew sporadically placed around the bed and use the bathroom (with the door open because my cat Lorelai is like a two year old and can't stand to have a door or wall between us). I then weigh myself with one eye closed, one eye open in hopes that the number has somehow dropped. I slip on my bedroom slippers or flip-flops, whichever one is closer and I go downstairs, turning on the lights in each room I pass through. Leira follows me around the kitchen while I get the keurig started and set the oven on 350 to heat up my croissant (sometimes a piece of toast). Leira and I then go outside, she pees and I act elated, clapping my hands and exclaiming "good girl!" because she does her happy run with her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth each time I do this. (And let's be honest, nothing makes me happier than a happy Leira dog.) We come inside and I finish fixing both of our breakfasts. We then head upstairs where I check my Facebook, play a few words on words with friends and check my email. Leira then goes back to bed and I shower and get ready for work. I go to work, wash dirty dishes, get exam rooms set up for the day and restock drawers. My co-workers and I then take turns getting histories on patients and performing routine veterinary procedures. Some days I have a dental to do or a surgery to monitor. I sometimes don't get a lunch but when I do, I sit in my car, read my book or take a nap. Once my hour is up, I head back to work and do the same routine over and over again. I come home, hug Andrew, ask how his day was, say hello to the pets, change out of my work clothes and then make dinner or order a pizza. We eat on the couch in the living room and watch t.v. Sometimes we go for a walk. I then go to bed and read and/or fall asleep.
I might come home from work with a different bruise here and there but essentially, every day is the same. I've found that I spend a lot of my "extra" time on Facebook, checking out people's status or looking at their pictures. I get so caught up in their lives that I don't even realize the time I am spending away from my own. It's so easy to escape into the world of pinterest and amazon.com that I forget that I have goals that need to be met and dreams that need to be lived.
It's almost like I'm running away from myself.
It's easier these days to send a text or an email to our loved ones. I used to write letters to my grandmother when she was still alive. We would correspond back and forth and send pictures to each other of our pets. When I was in college, I barely ever wrote an email. I spent a lot of my time writing real letters to friends and family across the miles, explaining each detail of my life to them one page at a time.
I miss the feeling of opening the mailbox to find that I have a letter with my name and address written in the center of an envelope that holds pages of words to be read that are meant only for me.The world has become too quick. An email is delivered within seconds whereas a letter can take days to arrive. There is no longer any suspense; no excitement. The social network allows us to post and comment on pictures instantly. Digital cameras help you to relive the memories you just made merely seconds later. These aren't necessarily bad inventions. I myself post a new set of pictures often, usually weekly. It's amazing how quickly I share snapshots of my life with 416 people of whom most I haven't spoken a real word to in years.
I sometimes miss the life I had before I ever got involved in the whole social network phenomenon. I don't know what it is that sucks me in every day. I almost become zombie-like and end up running late for work because I let the time get away from me. I feel safe and secure without feeling safe and secure. There is always some prickling feeling nagging at me and I think I finally figured out what it is.
I live in my favorite place in the entire world. The beauty I'm surrounded by on a daily basis is almost intimidating. Every time I visit downtown Asheville, I am presented with something or someone different; a girl dancing by herself on the sidewalk to music only she can hear, a guy painted in silver from head to toe including his guitar, middle school kids on the street singing Beatles' covers, skipping, frolicking, hoola hooping...all of the above can be seen at any given moment. Some people, maybe most, might pile this group of people into a list of "freaks". Not to me. To me, they are my heroes. They have lost the sense of caring what someone else might think of them should they want to start singing out loud as if they were in a musical or Broadway play. (In my ideal world, this would be how life should be anyway.) I somehow lack the sense of energy to just let go. The shy girl inside of me tells me I can't do it while the dreamy, hippie chick screams out to be set free to come out and play.
I find myself hiding behind the words I write on my status, always trying to think of something clever, positive or brilliant to say, even when I feel anything but clever, positive or brilliant. I use this very blog to speak out on feelings I've had or felt about during my past, present or future...but I still hold back, somehow still unable to completely break free.
It's easy to use the social network as a mask to hide from the rest of the world. We're taught to use our inside voices and to act "normal", justifying each excuse not to be different or to break away from the group. Facebook gives us an excuse to act upon or say things that we wouldn't usually say in a real social setting. As usual, I find that I am in the minority in that I spend most of my time avoiding such confrontation. I hide more because I fear I might hurt someone's feelings should they not share my same opinion or that my own feelings might become hurt because I am so sensitive about every little thing.
I'm tired of hiding. I'm tried of being scared; being held back. I'm tired of being my worst enemy and finding that it is only myself, and always has been myself, that keeps me from being the complete person I strive to be.
I need to break away from the routine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll eat a doughnut.
"This old routine will drive you mad
It's just a mumble never spoken out loud"
First Aid Kit
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Weekly Gratitute Update: 8/20/12-8/26/12
This past week was much better than the previous one so there will be no rantings about my struggling to be positive and such. I have no complaints so I'll get right to it:
1) I made a new friend! I know I sound so rediculous and childish but it's so hard to meet new people when you move to a new town....even though I'm from here. A lot of my friends I had while growing up have moved to different areas themselves so it's not like we can just pick up where we left off. It's just nice to know that I still embrace the skills needed to make new friends. Yay me!
2) I got a sweet text from my sister Jenn (really my sister-in-law but she's like the sister I never had so I've decided to drop the whole "in-law" part). She was worried about me based on a post I had written on facebook about asking God to help me get through the week. Only she and one other friend (love you Sara!:) took the time out of their busy schedules to check in and it made me that much more grateful to the both of them.I love you both so much!
3) Wednesday's are usually my half days. Once a month I have to go back to the office to care for the boarders and clean but it's not so bad. This Wednesday was indeed my half day and I had great plans to clean our own house and get things done that had been put on the back burner for awhile. What did I get done you ask? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I sat on my ass and watched "Bones" on Netflix and then I think we ate frozen pizza for dinner. It was so nice to relax and do nothing. Of course I felt guilty later so I cleaned the house once I got home from work on Thursday. That being said, I discovered that there sometimes is time to take off and do nothing. You just have to make it for yourself. It's not always easy but after the previous week, I managed to find some time to do absolutely nothing.
4) I got home from work the other day and I finally met two of our neighbors; a daughter in her mid 50's and her little old lady Mother. They were the cutest mother-daughter pair I have ever seen and so very nice, offering to help us out if we ever need anything. I just wanted to put them in my pocket. Sometimes I forget that we now live in an actual neighborhood and have actual neighbors to "check in". I feel so domestic! I love it!!
5) My parents came over for dinner on Friday night. I used them as guinea pigs and made a new meal of mushroom stroganoff. Andrew gets freaked out by sour cream so I was worried about making this particular dish. Upon asking me what was in it, I just told him the same ingredients that are in beef stroganoff, substituting the beef with mushrooms. I had managed to keep the secret of there being sour cream in the dish until we sat down and Mom asked what else was in it besides mushrooms and sour cream? So close. I almost got away with it. He was a good sport though and ate a small helping. The rest of the evening was really nice outside of my mild freak-out when I asked Mom to test the temperature of the sauce and she told me it needed more salt. I know she meant well but my sensitivity and nervousness towards creating a new meal after working a 12 day stretch had apparently caught up to me. After dinner we sat on the couch, ate brownies and looked at old pictures. It was a lovely time.
6) Andrew and I went to Dupont State Park on Saturday. This is where one of the scenes in "The Hunger Games" was filmed. It. Was. Awesome! Oh yeah, and really beautiful too. He then took me out to The Laughing Seed (the best vegetarian restaurant in town...where it is rumored that alot of the cast from the movie ate as well). He owed me dinner since the purple couch at the chicken store is no longer there. (That's an entirely different story all together...let me know if you want to hear about it and it could be my next post!) I loved that purple couch....
7) I also discovered on Saturday that the fourth season of "Parks and Recreation" is now available for free on Amazon Prime. Score!! (We've already watched 7 episodes...)
8) My favorite-est pitbull in the whole wide world turned 9 years old on Thursday! Daisy Mae is my parent's dog but she mine as well be one of my own too. I love her so much!
9) Also, we found a pet sitter to take care of our critters when we go out of town and my parents aren't available. You have no idea how much pressure and concern this takes off of my shoulders. I usually spend much of our vacations worrying about the pets. It's nice to have someone we trust coming in to check in on them every day. We had our Raleigh people and hadn't yet found an Asheville person. Now we have one. Whoohoo!
Well, that's about it. Nothing too crazy but sometimes that's a good thing:). I hope you all have a wonderful week full of love, peace and joy. Always remember, even in the worst times, there is always something to be grateful for, even if you have to dig a little deeper to find it. Sometimes, it's the digging that makes it all that more special.
Love, hugs and positivity to you all and once again, thank you for the support:).
1) I made a new friend! I know I sound so rediculous and childish but it's so hard to meet new people when you move to a new town....even though I'm from here. A lot of my friends I had while growing up have moved to different areas themselves so it's not like we can just pick up where we left off. It's just nice to know that I still embrace the skills needed to make new friends. Yay me!
2) I got a sweet text from my sister Jenn (really my sister-in-law but she's like the sister I never had so I've decided to drop the whole "in-law" part). She was worried about me based on a post I had written on facebook about asking God to help me get through the week. Only she and one other friend (love you Sara!:) took the time out of their busy schedules to check in and it made me that much more grateful to the both of them.I love you both so much!
3) Wednesday's are usually my half days. Once a month I have to go back to the office to care for the boarders and clean but it's not so bad. This Wednesday was indeed my half day and I had great plans to clean our own house and get things done that had been put on the back burner for awhile. What did I get done you ask? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I sat on my ass and watched "Bones" on Netflix and then I think we ate frozen pizza for dinner. It was so nice to relax and do nothing. Of course I felt guilty later so I cleaned the house once I got home from work on Thursday. That being said, I discovered that there sometimes is time to take off and do nothing. You just have to make it for yourself. It's not always easy but after the previous week, I managed to find some time to do absolutely nothing.
4) I got home from work the other day and I finally met two of our neighbors; a daughter in her mid 50's and her little old lady Mother. They were the cutest mother-daughter pair I have ever seen and so very nice, offering to help us out if we ever need anything. I just wanted to put them in my pocket. Sometimes I forget that we now live in an actual neighborhood and have actual neighbors to "check in". I feel so domestic! I love it!!
5) My parents came over for dinner on Friday night. I used them as guinea pigs and made a new meal of mushroom stroganoff. Andrew gets freaked out by sour cream so I was worried about making this particular dish. Upon asking me what was in it, I just told him the same ingredients that are in beef stroganoff, substituting the beef with mushrooms. I had managed to keep the secret of there being sour cream in the dish until we sat down and Mom asked what else was in it besides mushrooms and sour cream? So close. I almost got away with it. He was a good sport though and ate a small helping. The rest of the evening was really nice outside of my mild freak-out when I asked Mom to test the temperature of the sauce and she told me it needed more salt. I know she meant well but my sensitivity and nervousness towards creating a new meal after working a 12 day stretch had apparently caught up to me. After dinner we sat on the couch, ate brownies and looked at old pictures. It was a lovely time.
6) Andrew and I went to Dupont State Park on Saturday. This is where one of the scenes in "The Hunger Games" was filmed. It. Was. Awesome! Oh yeah, and really beautiful too. He then took me out to The Laughing Seed (the best vegetarian restaurant in town...where it is rumored that alot of the cast from the movie ate as well). He owed me dinner since the purple couch at the chicken store is no longer there. (That's an entirely different story all together...let me know if you want to hear about it and it could be my next post!) I loved that purple couch....
7) I also discovered on Saturday that the fourth season of "Parks and Recreation" is now available for free on Amazon Prime. Score!! (We've already watched 7 episodes...)
8) My favorite-est pitbull in the whole wide world turned 9 years old on Thursday! Daisy Mae is my parent's dog but she mine as well be one of my own too. I love her so much!
9) Also, we found a pet sitter to take care of our critters when we go out of town and my parents aren't available. You have no idea how much pressure and concern this takes off of my shoulders. I usually spend much of our vacations worrying about the pets. It's nice to have someone we trust coming in to check in on them every day. We had our Raleigh people and hadn't yet found an Asheville person. Now we have one. Whoohoo!
Well, that's about it. Nothing too crazy but sometimes that's a good thing:). I hope you all have a wonderful week full of love, peace and joy. Always remember, even in the worst times, there is always something to be grateful for, even if you have to dig a little deeper to find it. Sometimes, it's the digging that makes it all that more special.
Love, hugs and positivity to you all and once again, thank you for the support:).
Sunday, August 26, 2012
You're So Vain
You manipulate my dreams as though you were still here, standing right in front of me, threatening every bead of happiness within me.
It had been months since you had appeared and suddenly, there you are. I can feel my conscience willing myself to awaken in hopes that when I do, you will no longer be there when I close my eyes again to fall back into sleep.
Of course this never works. The memory of you is still too vivid to erase you so completely from my mind. During these sleepless nights, it's best to just get out of bed and get moving. This reminds me of how far I have come since you and the happiness that envelops me since I removed you from my life.
But will you ever be really gone?
I strum songs on the guitar that you gave me, the only physical object I have kept from you these last 7 years. Has it really been 7 years? Sometimes, the pain seems so fresh... Every time I learn a new song that reminds me of you and the pain you embedded within me, I wish I could somehow let you hear so that I could see the look on your face once you realize the words being sung are mere representations of everything you put me through.
In reality, I know you wouldn't care. I'm not sure you ever have cared about anyone, including yourself. It's amusing how Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" is a song you jokingly claimed to be about yourself, or rather someone like yourself, and you have no idea that this wouldn't be a compliment even if it were the truth.
"You had one eye on the mirror" always, if not both, so determined to drag everyone around you into the world that you created for yourself. I was tricked into believing that you needed me; that I could somehow help fix whatever past it was you were running away from .
I look back and have no idea what, if any, of the words you said were true.
I realize now that I was merely another victim, one of many; a girl with low enough self esteem to be taken in by your cries for help. Help you never truly wanted.
The last time I spoke to you, (was it 4 years ago?), you asked me what it was that you had done to make me hate you so much. I didn't have an answer. I still don't. And I don't hate you. Hate is too strong of an emotion to feel towards a parasite like you. You're not worth it.
You never were and you never will be.
Do you realize how hard it is for me to give up? To admit that I have failed in a feat I spent 3 years of my life trying to remedy from all angles. I gave up so much during that time and almost lost it all because I believed in you that much.
Have you ever believed in anyone, even a little bit? Have you ever cared so much for someone elses happiness that you gave up dreams and experiences that you can never get back?
I guess not.
I consider myself a very empathetic person, but there is one personification I have no empathy for and that is not possessing the hope of wanting to be the best person one can be. I don't understand the need to always be unhappy.
I don't understand the need to drag someone else into your unhappiness just for the mere fact that you will no longer be alone should you succeed.
So I guess I have one thing, and one thing only to thank you for. I have no patience to be around people like that, like you, who thrive off of making someone else miserable because they're too scared to stand up to life and the unfairness of it all.
"I had dreams they were clouds in my coffee" and most of them broke free. I still struggle at times to remember the person I lost during those 3 years. The important factor in all of this is that I escaped.
I escaped.
I still worry about your other victims, past, present and future. I still care about their souls and hope that they are strong enough to realize what you are...and that they have the power within themselves to break free. Maybe I still have some hope left for you that one of these people can finish what I started.
Perhaps it's this hope that makes me feel that it wasn't all in vain.
"You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive"
Carly Simon
It had been months since you had appeared and suddenly, there you are. I can feel my conscience willing myself to awaken in hopes that when I do, you will no longer be there when I close my eyes again to fall back into sleep.
Of course this never works. The memory of you is still too vivid to erase you so completely from my mind. During these sleepless nights, it's best to just get out of bed and get moving. This reminds me of how far I have come since you and the happiness that envelops me since I removed you from my life.
But will you ever be really gone?
I strum songs on the guitar that you gave me, the only physical object I have kept from you these last 7 years. Has it really been 7 years? Sometimes, the pain seems so fresh... Every time I learn a new song that reminds me of you and the pain you embedded within me, I wish I could somehow let you hear so that I could see the look on your face once you realize the words being sung are mere representations of everything you put me through.
In reality, I know you wouldn't care. I'm not sure you ever have cared about anyone, including yourself. It's amusing how Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" is a song you jokingly claimed to be about yourself, or rather someone like yourself, and you have no idea that this wouldn't be a compliment even if it were the truth.
"You had one eye on the mirror" always, if not both, so determined to drag everyone around you into the world that you created for yourself. I was tricked into believing that you needed me; that I could somehow help fix whatever past it was you were running away from .
I look back and have no idea what, if any, of the words you said were true.
I realize now that I was merely another victim, one of many; a girl with low enough self esteem to be taken in by your cries for help. Help you never truly wanted.
The last time I spoke to you, (was it 4 years ago?), you asked me what it was that you had done to make me hate you so much. I didn't have an answer. I still don't. And I don't hate you. Hate is too strong of an emotion to feel towards a parasite like you. You're not worth it.
You never were and you never will be.
Do you realize how hard it is for me to give up? To admit that I have failed in a feat I spent 3 years of my life trying to remedy from all angles. I gave up so much during that time and almost lost it all because I believed in you that much.
Have you ever believed in anyone, even a little bit? Have you ever cared so much for someone elses happiness that you gave up dreams and experiences that you can never get back?
I guess not.
I consider myself a very empathetic person, but there is one personification I have no empathy for and that is not possessing the hope of wanting to be the best person one can be. I don't understand the need to always be unhappy.
I don't understand the need to drag someone else into your unhappiness just for the mere fact that you will no longer be alone should you succeed.
So I guess I have one thing, and one thing only to thank you for. I have no patience to be around people like that, like you, who thrive off of making someone else miserable because they're too scared to stand up to life and the unfairness of it all.
"I had dreams they were clouds in my coffee" and most of them broke free. I still struggle at times to remember the person I lost during those 3 years. The important factor in all of this is that I escaped.
I escaped.
I still worry about your other victims, past, present and future. I still care about their souls and hope that they are strong enough to realize what you are...and that they have the power within themselves to break free. Maybe I still have some hope left for you that one of these people can finish what I started.
Perhaps it's this hope that makes me feel that it wasn't all in vain.
"You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive"
Carly Simon
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Listen To Your Mother and Always Wear Your Seatbelt
*Dear readers,
I actually began writing this particular post back in June. I somehow wasn't able to finish it until now, the scare being way too fresh then to really relive and think about. It's still pretty fresh but I felt the need to portray some humor during a situation that was far from being funny. Sometimes, that's all we can do to get through the trials that life presents to us. This was one of the hardest and scariest days that I ever lived through.....That being said, I'm grateful for my own and for my families' sense of humor during times of great need for a laugh.
My parents were in a wreck several weeks ago.
But that's not what this particular post is about.
To lesson worried thoughts and suspicion, I will inform you that they are both alive and well (thankfully) and that all of their limbs are working properly. They have some minor cuts, bruises, neck and chest pain but all of the diagnostics came back negative for anything critical.
That being said, I have found my new source for material to write about.
Have you ever been to the ER on a Saturday night?
Holy crap! That's some cheap entertainment! (Cheap, that is if you're not the one being examined and if you actually have health insurance. This particular night, I of course came along for moral support. I had no idea the sights that I would behold during this 5 hour encounter. But I couldn't make this shit up...)
We got there and I had to drop my parents off at the front in order to go find a parking spot. My nerves were so fried at this point so I parked in the nearest parking lot I could find, praying that my car wouldn't get towed and that I wouldn't get mugged during the brief walk back up to the emergency room. I tried to get my barrings because I wanted to be strong for my parents. I refused to let thoughts like "they could have died"creep into my brain. (Even though this is the first thing my Daddy said to me when I got to the crash site. Subtlety has never been his area of expertise.) The important part is that I knew deep down that they were OK outside of some mild pain and shock.
They were waiting up at the front desk, checking in and I took this opportunity to non-nonchalantly look around.
There is a reason I work with animals and not people.
Why?
Because people are disgusting.
One poor woman was sitting all by herself in a wheel chair with a towel draped over her face. With any slight movement she made, she would press the towel up firmly to her mouth as if to keep the threatening vomit down. With each gag, I gagged internally (being the sympathetic vomit-er I am) and I had to peel my eyes away with the mere thought that she had no one with her to comfort her. I felt so badly for her that if there hadn't been the need there to show full support for both of my parents, I would have gone over and offered her a hug....as long as she didn't vomit on me.
Then there was the guy with no underwear, sporting the baggy jeans over what should have been the rim of his boxers. (I actually had not noticed the no underwear part...my Mom pointed that out to me...thanks Mom...). I was more focused on the conversation he was having with his girlfriend. He was going to go outside and smoke with his friend who also happened to be at the emergency room for some sort of fungus creating a life on his ankle.The girlfriend was upset because he was actually just diagnosed with pneumonia. Seriously dude? Is a cigarette really your first priority at this point? (I'm not sure what kind of person you are if you randomly run into one of your closest buds at the emergency room .At least they got to catch up over the probable cancer forming in both of their young worn out bodies.) Perhaps this sounds a bit judge-y...but I've found the filter turns completely off after you've been presented with the reality check that someone you love could have been killed.
I had to sit in the lobby for the majority of the time, waiting while my parents were being examined. Patients were continually called back and I sat and half way watched the movie they had kindly provided. It was a war movie of some sort, one with Matt Damon, and I couldn't help thinking to myself, "is this really the best form of entertainment for inhabitants of an emergency room?" I would think that they would want to have something more calm and peaceful on the t.v. ...like "Sesame Street" or "Mister Rogers" but perhaps they were portraying an "It could always be worse" scenario.
I also couldn't help but wonder why some people were there. I wasn't intentionally being nosy, but I did often find myself creating different scenarios for people coming in and out of the lobby. The poor guy who had a huge paper towel wrapped over his entire left hand, I only assumed cut himself at work while preparing someone's entree. (I made a mental note not to ever eat out again.) Then there was the younger couple of which the wife kept getting up and going to the bathroom, while her husband sat there with his arm wrapped around her. They only spoke in soft whispers with heads down. The scene was all too familiar to me and as much as I tried to mentally send over vibes of support and empathy, I knew nothing anyone could say or do could take away the pain they were surely both feeling.
I finally got called back to sit with my parents while they were waiting for their test results. They were holding up pretty well for the most part, just hungry, tired, aching and frustrated. I would have offered comedy relieve in such an instance but it turned out I didn't have to. The lady behind the curtain was exclaiming how she had already filled up 10 bags in the last couple of days and that Dr. such and such had done her surgery in another county. I could only assume that she was talking about poop and a colonoscopy. Dad confirmed that I was probably right. It wasn't so much the fact that we could hear every word she was saying... I don't want to seem callous because she was obviously in quite a bit of discomfort... It was simply the fact that it seemed anyone who walked by whether it be another Doctor, Nurse or Patient, she would start over from the beginning, telling her whole story over and over again. At 11:30 at night, when you have been there for 3 hours already, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.
Even if it seems a bit cruel...
And especially if it concerns poop. (Let's face it, potty humor is always a winner when lack of sleep is involved.)
In retrospect, it was all quite the experience. I guess we made as much good out of the bad that we could. I guess that's what we all do during moments of crisis. Otherwise we would go insane. I realized, once again, that night how very lucky I am to have the family that I have. My brother and sister-in-law were on their way from Raleigh, making the four hour drive just to make sure that everyone was OK. Life is too short not to appreciate every day.
It's nice to be surrounded by people who remind me of this very fact.
I actually began writing this particular post back in June. I somehow wasn't able to finish it until now, the scare being way too fresh then to really relive and think about. It's still pretty fresh but I felt the need to portray some humor during a situation that was far from being funny. Sometimes, that's all we can do to get through the trials that life presents to us. This was one of the hardest and scariest days that I ever lived through.....That being said, I'm grateful for my own and for my families' sense of humor during times of great need for a laugh.
My parents were in a wreck several weeks ago.
But that's not what this particular post is about.
To lesson worried thoughts and suspicion, I will inform you that they are both alive and well (thankfully) and that all of their limbs are working properly. They have some minor cuts, bruises, neck and chest pain but all of the diagnostics came back negative for anything critical.
That being said, I have found my new source for material to write about.
Have you ever been to the ER on a Saturday night?
Holy crap! That's some cheap entertainment! (Cheap, that is if you're not the one being examined and if you actually have health insurance. This particular night, I of course came along for moral support. I had no idea the sights that I would behold during this 5 hour encounter. But I couldn't make this shit up...)
We got there and I had to drop my parents off at the front in order to go find a parking spot. My nerves were so fried at this point so I parked in the nearest parking lot I could find, praying that my car wouldn't get towed and that I wouldn't get mugged during the brief walk back up to the emergency room. I tried to get my barrings because I wanted to be strong for my parents. I refused to let thoughts like "they could have died"creep into my brain. (Even though this is the first thing my Daddy said to me when I got to the crash site. Subtlety has never been his area of expertise.) The important part is that I knew deep down that they were OK outside of some mild pain and shock.
They were waiting up at the front desk, checking in and I took this opportunity to non-nonchalantly look around.
There is a reason I work with animals and not people.
Why?
Because people are disgusting.
One poor woman was sitting all by herself in a wheel chair with a towel draped over her face. With any slight movement she made, she would press the towel up firmly to her mouth as if to keep the threatening vomit down. With each gag, I gagged internally (being the sympathetic vomit-er I am) and I had to peel my eyes away with the mere thought that she had no one with her to comfort her. I felt so badly for her that if there hadn't been the need there to show full support for both of my parents, I would have gone over and offered her a hug....as long as she didn't vomit on me.
Then there was the guy with no underwear, sporting the baggy jeans over what should have been the rim of his boxers. (I actually had not noticed the no underwear part...my Mom pointed that out to me...thanks Mom...). I was more focused on the conversation he was having with his girlfriend. He was going to go outside and smoke with his friend who also happened to be at the emergency room for some sort of fungus creating a life on his ankle.The girlfriend was upset because he was actually just diagnosed with pneumonia. Seriously dude? Is a cigarette really your first priority at this point? (I'm not sure what kind of person you are if you randomly run into one of your closest buds at the emergency room .At least they got to catch up over the probable cancer forming in both of their young worn out bodies.) Perhaps this sounds a bit judge-y...but I've found the filter turns completely off after you've been presented with the reality check that someone you love could have been killed.
I had to sit in the lobby for the majority of the time, waiting while my parents were being examined. Patients were continually called back and I sat and half way watched the movie they had kindly provided. It was a war movie of some sort, one with Matt Damon, and I couldn't help thinking to myself, "is this really the best form of entertainment for inhabitants of an emergency room?" I would think that they would want to have something more calm and peaceful on the t.v. ...like "Sesame Street" or "Mister Rogers" but perhaps they were portraying an "It could always be worse" scenario.
I also couldn't help but wonder why some people were there. I wasn't intentionally being nosy, but I did often find myself creating different scenarios for people coming in and out of the lobby. The poor guy who had a huge paper towel wrapped over his entire left hand, I only assumed cut himself at work while preparing someone's entree. (I made a mental note not to ever eat out again.) Then there was the younger couple of which the wife kept getting up and going to the bathroom, while her husband sat there with his arm wrapped around her. They only spoke in soft whispers with heads down. The scene was all too familiar to me and as much as I tried to mentally send over vibes of support and empathy, I knew nothing anyone could say or do could take away the pain they were surely both feeling.
I finally got called back to sit with my parents while they were waiting for their test results. They were holding up pretty well for the most part, just hungry, tired, aching and frustrated. I would have offered comedy relieve in such an instance but it turned out I didn't have to. The lady behind the curtain was exclaiming how she had already filled up 10 bags in the last couple of days and that Dr. such and such had done her surgery in another county. I could only assume that she was talking about poop and a colonoscopy. Dad confirmed that I was probably right. It wasn't so much the fact that we could hear every word she was saying... I don't want to seem callous because she was obviously in quite a bit of discomfort... It was simply the fact that it seemed anyone who walked by whether it be another Doctor, Nurse or Patient, she would start over from the beginning, telling her whole story over and over again. At 11:30 at night, when you have been there for 3 hours already, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.
Even if it seems a bit cruel...
And especially if it concerns poop. (Let's face it, potty humor is always a winner when lack of sleep is involved.)
In retrospect, it was all quite the experience. I guess we made as much good out of the bad that we could. I guess that's what we all do during moments of crisis. Otherwise we would go insane. I realized, once again, that night how very lucky I am to have the family that I have. My brother and sister-in-law were on their way from Raleigh, making the four hour drive just to make sure that everyone was OK. Life is too short not to appreciate every day.
It's nice to be surrounded by people who remind me of this very fact.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Zombie Apocolypse
I'm pretty sure it's happening soon.
I keep having dreams about the undead and their upcoming attack on the world as we know it.
Take shelter folks. Take shelter.
Upon driving to work the other day, I saw a rusty turned over motor bike AND a large black trash bag, filled with God knows what, along the side of the road.
"So what?" you might say, but think about it.
Think about it.
I think the dreams are trying to tell me something. I am often caught in some type of condemned building, sometimes with Andrew, but ALWAYS with our 5 cats. Lorelai often takes zombie form but in the dream, I can't come to terms with the reality that she has turned. She's already kind of a bitch in real life. There have been moments when she is the only one in the room and then suddenly it's one of the other cats and she's gone. To explain this phenomenon, we have deduced that she has a closet of cat suits hiding somewhere within the house. Possibly underground. This being said, I can't even imagine what she would be like as part of the undead.
We think the mere threat of an arising zombie apocalypse is why our cat Phoebe never blinks. (Either that or she's been watching too much Doctor Who.)
I often wonder if Andrew himself has gone to the dark side. He often sings and talks to himself in a monotone voice and he's constantly eating tums which have lots of calcium. So I think he might be trying to keep his bones from becoming too brittle and breaking, therefore revealing his true identity of working under cover for the zombie clan. Not to mention , being a zombie himself.
Or maybe I'm just paranoid and have been watching too many zombie TV shows and movies. (I can't seem to not watch Zombieland whenever it's on because I love me some Jessie Eisenberg. He's what I want Michael Cera to be...).
Come to think of it, I watch a lot of crime shows too so that could possibly explain my heightened suspicion with the random garbage bags on the side of the road. Maybe they're really filled with trash and not body parts...and I guess zombies aren't smart enough to bag up their victims.
But you never know.
You. Never. Know.
Or perhpas my fear stems from the fact that should I be turned into a zombie, what would I do? I'm a vegetarian and eating flesh (animal or human) is just gross.However, it would be cool to be able to do my own rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller, as long as I didn't have to wear a red leather jacket.
All I'm saying is to keep a lookout. Zombies or no zombies...the world is a scary place.
Don't even get me started on the manatees.....
I keep having dreams about the undead and their upcoming attack on the world as we know it.
Take shelter folks. Take shelter.
Upon driving to work the other day, I saw a rusty turned over motor bike AND a large black trash bag, filled with God knows what, along the side of the road.
"So what?" you might say, but think about it.
Think about it.
I think the dreams are trying to tell me something. I am often caught in some type of condemned building, sometimes with Andrew, but ALWAYS with our 5 cats. Lorelai often takes zombie form but in the dream, I can't come to terms with the reality that she has turned. She's already kind of a bitch in real life. There have been moments when she is the only one in the room and then suddenly it's one of the other cats and she's gone. To explain this phenomenon, we have deduced that she has a closet of cat suits hiding somewhere within the house. Possibly underground. This being said, I can't even imagine what she would be like as part of the undead.
We think the mere threat of an arising zombie apocalypse is why our cat Phoebe never blinks. (Either that or she's been watching too much Doctor Who.)
I often wonder if Andrew himself has gone to the dark side. He often sings and talks to himself in a monotone voice and he's constantly eating tums which have lots of calcium. So I think he might be trying to keep his bones from becoming too brittle and breaking, therefore revealing his true identity of working under cover for the zombie clan. Not to mention , being a zombie himself.
Or maybe I'm just paranoid and have been watching too many zombie TV shows and movies. (I can't seem to not watch Zombieland whenever it's on because I love me some Jessie Eisenberg. He's what I want Michael Cera to be...).
Come to think of it, I watch a lot of crime shows too so that could possibly explain my heightened suspicion with the random garbage bags on the side of the road. Maybe they're really filled with trash and not body parts...and I guess zombies aren't smart enough to bag up their victims.
But you never know.
You. Never. Know.
Or perhpas my fear stems from the fact that should I be turned into a zombie, what would I do? I'm a vegetarian and eating flesh (animal or human) is just gross.However, it would be cool to be able to do my own rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller, as long as I didn't have to wear a red leather jacket.
All I'm saying is to keep a lookout. Zombies or no zombies...the world is a scary place.
Don't even get me started on the manatees.....
Monday, August 20, 2012
Weekly Gratitude Update: 8/13/12-8/19/12
This past week was one of those weeks when it was truly difficult for me to focus on the positives. It seemed as though one bad thing was happening after another, making me question once again my career choice, and I just couldn't get a break.
I already was aware that last Monday would start my 12 day in a row work stretch so that in itself always puts me a little on edge. But when you fill each day with cranky co-workers and an impatient Doctor telling you to go to lunch when there is an anesthetized dog on the table and he tells you he's going to watch him but keeps walking away, leaving you there with a "What am I supposed to do now?" look on your face, it's no wonder I didn't run from the building screaming and pulling my hair out.
Believe me. I wanted to.
It also seemed like every dental we did consisted of some sort of tooth (sometimes more than one) extraction and it was as if the teeth were holding on for dear life, refusing to come out and laughing at us for trying to achieve such a feat.
Damn teeth.
My back ached during and after each day and I so badly just wanted to crawl into a little ball and cry each morning upon hearing my alarm go off, beckoning me to wake up and to start another disastrous day.
All this being said, and really, I'm keeping the experience of last week light because there is simply no use in dwelling over events gone by, I was still able to conjure up a small list of gratitudes.
1) I heard from a dear friend that I can't ever remember not having in my life in some way and she told me her baby sister is having a c-section on the 21st. Two new babies will be welcomed into this world and they are going to have the most loving family. I am so elated for them all.
2) I have the best mother-in-law in the world. She called this week to check in, as she always does. I wasn't home when she called and she asked Andrew to give me a kiss on the cheek for already putting in motion the plans for our annual Christmas party. I love how both our families get so excited about this yearly event and how it seems all of them are going to try to make it this year as well, even though the commute is now 4 hours away since we moved.
3) During my lunch break on Thursday, I called Andrew literally speechless over the events that took place that morning. I had no words and I think it freaked him out a little bit because I am usually pretty good about having something to say about any given situation. He offered to come see me and I sadly declined the invitation because I knew if I saw him in that very moment, I would burst into uncontrollable sobs and never ever return to work again.
No I'm not being dramatic.
Yes. It was that bad of a day.
I came home to find two surprises awaiting my arrival. He had gone to Best Buy and bought a roku for the living room and a new flat screened t.v. for our bedroom.
I am now able to watch Bones and Brothers and Sisters (among many other t.v. shows and movies) without worrying that I'm hogging the downstairs t.v. The extra sweet part about these purchases is that he made sure to inform me that they weren't bought in order for us to spend time apart from each other. I already knew this but the fact that he felt he needed to relay this made me smile.
It was the second time in one day that I was rendered speechless.
4) The Hunger Games came out on dvd! Saturday night Andrew and I were all ready to go downtown and live up the nightly Asheville scene. We went out to eat and it started raining. We then quickly decided to just go to Best Buy after dinner to buy the movie. We also bought Just Dance 3 because it was on sale for 10 bucks. Then we went to the grocery store where we bought candy, oreos and popcorn. Upon looking at our purchases at the checkout, I looked at him and said, "My God! How old are we?" The only thing "adult" we bought was a bottle of cheap wine. We got home, got into our pajamas and I put my hair in pigtails to put the final details on our slumber party extravaganza. We even giggled.
It. Was. Awesome.
5) Outside of having to go to work twice to check on the boarding pets, I got to experience my first lazy Sunday in a really long time. We played with the roku and made our first purchase.....the first season of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" For those of you kids who grew up in the 90's, you realize the significance of this find. We watched the first episode (about a stupid clown named Zebo...I hate clowns....) and I was suddenly transported back in time to the days of being a teenager, staying up late and watching the show in pitch black darkness with my best friend; my Dad there to protect us from everything that went bump in the night. Sometimes nostalgia is all you need.
So came the end of another week. I am so very fortunate to be able to still find joy seeping through the cracks of a stressful week. As always, thank you to those who make my life that much better, just by being a part of it.
I already was aware that last Monday would start my 12 day in a row work stretch so that in itself always puts me a little on edge. But when you fill each day with cranky co-workers and an impatient Doctor telling you to go to lunch when there is an anesthetized dog on the table and he tells you he's going to watch him but keeps walking away, leaving you there with a "What am I supposed to do now?" look on your face, it's no wonder I didn't run from the building screaming and pulling my hair out.
Believe me. I wanted to.
It also seemed like every dental we did consisted of some sort of tooth (sometimes more than one) extraction and it was as if the teeth were holding on for dear life, refusing to come out and laughing at us for trying to achieve such a feat.
Damn teeth.
My back ached during and after each day and I so badly just wanted to crawl into a little ball and cry each morning upon hearing my alarm go off, beckoning me to wake up and to start another disastrous day.
All this being said, and really, I'm keeping the experience of last week light because there is simply no use in dwelling over events gone by, I was still able to conjure up a small list of gratitudes.
1) I heard from a dear friend that I can't ever remember not having in my life in some way and she told me her baby sister is having a c-section on the 21st. Two new babies will be welcomed into this world and they are going to have the most loving family. I am so elated for them all.
2) I have the best mother-in-law in the world. She called this week to check in, as she always does. I wasn't home when she called and she asked Andrew to give me a kiss on the cheek for already putting in motion the plans for our annual Christmas party. I love how both our families get so excited about this yearly event and how it seems all of them are going to try to make it this year as well, even though the commute is now 4 hours away since we moved.
3) During my lunch break on Thursday, I called Andrew literally speechless over the events that took place that morning. I had no words and I think it freaked him out a little bit because I am usually pretty good about having something to say about any given situation. He offered to come see me and I sadly declined the invitation because I knew if I saw him in that very moment, I would burst into uncontrollable sobs and never ever return to work again.
No I'm not being dramatic.
Yes. It was that bad of a day.
I came home to find two surprises awaiting my arrival. He had gone to Best Buy and bought a roku for the living room and a new flat screened t.v. for our bedroom.
I am now able to watch Bones and Brothers and Sisters (among many other t.v. shows and movies) without worrying that I'm hogging the downstairs t.v. The extra sweet part about these purchases is that he made sure to inform me that they weren't bought in order for us to spend time apart from each other. I already knew this but the fact that he felt he needed to relay this made me smile.
It was the second time in one day that I was rendered speechless.
4) The Hunger Games came out on dvd! Saturday night Andrew and I were all ready to go downtown and live up the nightly Asheville scene. We went out to eat and it started raining. We then quickly decided to just go to Best Buy after dinner to buy the movie. We also bought Just Dance 3 because it was on sale for 10 bucks. Then we went to the grocery store where we bought candy, oreos and popcorn. Upon looking at our purchases at the checkout, I looked at him and said, "My God! How old are we?" The only thing "adult" we bought was a bottle of cheap wine. We got home, got into our pajamas and I put my hair in pigtails to put the final details on our slumber party extravaganza. We even giggled.
It. Was. Awesome.
5) Outside of having to go to work twice to check on the boarding pets, I got to experience my first lazy Sunday in a really long time. We played with the roku and made our first purchase.....the first season of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" For those of you kids who grew up in the 90's, you realize the significance of this find. We watched the first episode (about a stupid clown named Zebo...I hate clowns....) and I was suddenly transported back in time to the days of being a teenager, staying up late and watching the show in pitch black darkness with my best friend; my Dad there to protect us from everything that went bump in the night. Sometimes nostalgia is all you need.
So came the end of another week. I am so very fortunate to be able to still find joy seeping through the cracks of a stressful week. As always, thank you to those who make my life that much better, just by being a part of it.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Weekly Gratitude Update: 8/6/12-8/12/12
1) I created a new sandwich that both my husband Andrew and I adore. It consists of grilled eggplant, fresh basil, mozzarella cheese and tomatoes. We ate it twice this week. Yum!!!
2) I performed a dental at work on Monday with two extractions that are usually teeth that have to be surgically removed. Both were loose enough to just get out with an elevator so that made me and my upper arms super happy.
3) I managed to be able to do yoga every morning. And every morning, the Leira dog lied down right beside me to offer love and support, especially during the challenging sequences. I feel so energized and renewed every time I finish a yoga practice. It's such a beautiful and positive way to begin each morning.
4) I can almost (almost) smell fall in the air. I cannot tell you how elated this makes me. I love love love the fall! It's cooler in the mornings and evenings now and we haven't had to use our air conditioning nearly as often. Waking up to the smell of mountain air as it breezes through our bedroom windows each morning is one of the most peaceful moments of each day. I feel so lucky to be living in a place that offers up such moments of serenity.
5) Tuesday morning, I woke up and found a sweet message written on the the last gratitude post I wrote. Thank you Sara for always supporting me and lifting me up with your kind words. I am so very lucky to have a friend in you.
6) Andrew and I had another movie date and experienced the Cinnabar for the first time. It was lousy service and only an OK movie but I always enjoy date nights:). PLUS! They brought me my popcorn in a HUGE metal mixing-like bowl and it was cheaper than it would have been at a regular movie theater. Cheap popcorn and wine during a movie viewing with my favorite-est person in the world = a wonderful time in my book.
7) At work last week, one of our clients brought in two 8 week old sibling chihuahua's that she had rescued/bought from a meth head "breeder". I wanted to put both the pups AND this sweet little old lady into my pocket and carry them home with me. Such kindness and puppy breath always brings a smile to my face.
8) I learned two new songs on the guitar. Thank you Brandi Carlile for inspiring me to continue learning and improving on my skill.
9) I made the best salad EVER! Arugula, strawberries and shaved almonds. Need I say more?
10) Thursday was my Friday and the knowledge of this is what got me through having a not so easy dental to do with 5 extractions that took us forever to accomplish and a 4 minute lunch to follow.
11) We got up early Friday morning, packed up ourselves and the Leira dog and headed out onto the parkway where we hiked to a beautiful waterfall. I can't get over how close we are to so many hiking trails and beautiful landmarks. Neither of us can get enough out of these mountains. They keep beckoning us to come out and play.
12) After our hike, we traveled another hour and a half to one of my favorite destinations in the world, Fontana Village. It is here that my brother and I spent many of our summers growing up. It was discovered by my parents before we were even a glimmer in their eye and it has remained a very special place in our families' heart. My parents had driven there the night before and my brother and sister-in- law and Aunt, Uncle and cousin met us all there later. It was a fun filled weekend full of love and laughter. But I think my favorite moment was singing and playing guitar with my brother Pat. He is such a huge inspiration to me and I am so very lucky to have him not only as a brother, but as a best friend. I have always wanted to have enough courage to feel like I was good enough to play the guitar with him, and though we sounded rusty, it truly was music to my ears. It was also super fun to play and sing along with him and my Aunt Phylis and cousin Jennifer. I felt like I was in a scene in a movie and I didn't want it to end.
13) We came back home yesterday afternoon to 5 very needy kitties. All of them took turns snuggling on the couch while we ate frozen pizza, drank cheap wine and watched a couple of episodes of Monk. We then went to bed with a very wiped out Leira dog in between us.
14) Life is good. It's as simple as that. No trial or feat could possible be big enough to destroy the happiness between Andrew and I and our 6 little critters. I am so fortunate to wake up beside him each morning, beginning each week with the knowledge that he will always be there through every moment of happiness and any challenge that may threaten this.
15) The love I feel from everyone in my life overflows me with gratitude. Thank you all for being a part of this journey, and for keeping me focused on the real things that matter.
Here's to another joy-filled week!
2) I performed a dental at work on Monday with two extractions that are usually teeth that have to be surgically removed. Both were loose enough to just get out with an elevator so that made me and my upper arms super happy.
3) I managed to be able to do yoga every morning. And every morning, the Leira dog lied down right beside me to offer love and support, especially during the challenging sequences. I feel so energized and renewed every time I finish a yoga practice. It's such a beautiful and positive way to begin each morning.
4) I can almost (almost) smell fall in the air. I cannot tell you how elated this makes me. I love love love the fall! It's cooler in the mornings and evenings now and we haven't had to use our air conditioning nearly as often. Waking up to the smell of mountain air as it breezes through our bedroom windows each morning is one of the most peaceful moments of each day. I feel so lucky to be living in a place that offers up such moments of serenity.
5) Tuesday morning, I woke up and found a sweet message written on the the last gratitude post I wrote. Thank you Sara for always supporting me and lifting me up with your kind words. I am so very lucky to have a friend in you.
6) Andrew and I had another movie date and experienced the Cinnabar for the first time. It was lousy service and only an OK movie but I always enjoy date nights:). PLUS! They brought me my popcorn in a HUGE metal mixing-like bowl and it was cheaper than it would have been at a regular movie theater. Cheap popcorn and wine during a movie viewing with my favorite-est person in the world = a wonderful time in my book.
7) At work last week, one of our clients brought in two 8 week old sibling chihuahua's that she had rescued/bought from a meth head "breeder". I wanted to put both the pups AND this sweet little old lady into my pocket and carry them home with me. Such kindness and puppy breath always brings a smile to my face.
8) I learned two new songs on the guitar. Thank you Brandi Carlile for inspiring me to continue learning and improving on my skill.
9) I made the best salad EVER! Arugula, strawberries and shaved almonds. Need I say more?
10) Thursday was my Friday and the knowledge of this is what got me through having a not so easy dental to do with 5 extractions that took us forever to accomplish and a 4 minute lunch to follow.
11) We got up early Friday morning, packed up ourselves and the Leira dog and headed out onto the parkway where we hiked to a beautiful waterfall. I can't get over how close we are to so many hiking trails and beautiful landmarks. Neither of us can get enough out of these mountains. They keep beckoning us to come out and play.
12) After our hike, we traveled another hour and a half to one of my favorite destinations in the world, Fontana Village. It is here that my brother and I spent many of our summers growing up. It was discovered by my parents before we were even a glimmer in their eye and it has remained a very special place in our families' heart. My parents had driven there the night before and my brother and sister-in- law and Aunt, Uncle and cousin met us all there later. It was a fun filled weekend full of love and laughter. But I think my favorite moment was singing and playing guitar with my brother Pat. He is such a huge inspiration to me and I am so very lucky to have him not only as a brother, but as a best friend. I have always wanted to have enough courage to feel like I was good enough to play the guitar with him, and though we sounded rusty, it truly was music to my ears. It was also super fun to play and sing along with him and my Aunt Phylis and cousin Jennifer. I felt like I was in a scene in a movie and I didn't want it to end.
13) We came back home yesterday afternoon to 5 very needy kitties. All of them took turns snuggling on the couch while we ate frozen pizza, drank cheap wine and watched a couple of episodes of Monk. We then went to bed with a very wiped out Leira dog in between us.
14) Life is good. It's as simple as that. No trial or feat could possible be big enough to destroy the happiness between Andrew and I and our 6 little critters. I am so fortunate to wake up beside him each morning, beginning each week with the knowledge that he will always be there through every moment of happiness and any challenge that may threaten this.
15) The love I feel from everyone in my life overflows me with gratitude. Thank you all for being a part of this journey, and for keeping me focused on the real things that matter.
Here's to another joy-filled week!
Monday, August 6, 2012
It's the Small Things In Life: Weekly Gratitude Update
I have a new idea. Much like John Stewart has his weekend update, I have decided to do a weekly update of all the events, people, activities, books, music, ect, ect ect, that I am particularly grateful for at the end of each week.
I too often find myself getting caught up in everything that could be just a little bit better in life and then have no room to think on all of the positives. If I keep this up, there won't be any more positives floating around me to keep me going. I don't like who I am when I become ultra critical of my surroundings, wishing to have more from everything and everyone. I can't change anything or anyone. All I can do is improve upon myself and set boundaries when I start to become a little more involved than what is truly needed. I always want to put a band-aid on everything to somehow secure the hurt that someone is going through, even if it's just for a little while. Sometimes, I forget that I have days when I need this too. My hope is that this new segment I have promised myself to do on a weekly basis, will help me keep what's important in my mind should I have a difficult day.
So here is my first weekly update full of things that I am especially grateful during the week of
7/30/12-8/5/12:
1) Andrew and I got to go out to dinner with my parents to Carabbas on Tuesday. It's so nice to be able to see them more often since we've moved to Asheville.
2) I finished my Jodi Picoult book and it ended better than I thought it would. It took me two months to read because I kept getting so frustrated with what looked like the end result was going to be. She is my hero when it comes to writing and she has inspired me to write more.
3) In the midst of a very stressful, challenging week at work, one of my co-workers and I found the time to laugh until we cried. Perhaps it was part delirium, but sometimes the best cries are via laughter.
4) My husband took me out on a date Friday night.
5) On date night we got to experience the best soft pretzels and homemade mustard either of us had ever had. Mmmmmm. Soft pretzels. I'm seriously drooling.
6) Lorelai slam dunked a Kleenex into the waste basket one morning when I was getting ready for work. I don't think she's quite ready for the kitty olympics but I refuse to be a stage mom and only want her to continue playing as long as it makes her happy.
7) I downloaded the newest Brandi Carlile c.d. and it. is amazing! Sometimes all it takes is good music to get out of a funk.
8) We got to hang out like old times with Pat and Jenn (my brother and sister-in-law). We ate Mexican food and then went back to their house and talked about t.v shows and movies.
9) My parents took care of our pets while we were out of town. This might seem miniscule to some but it is so nice to know that our critters are in good hands while we are away. I can't say how many times I have had a hard time focusing on having a nice weekend getaway because my brain is stuck on worrying about whether or not the pets are OK.
10) Andrew and I were asked to be a part of our newest niece's Baptism. We got to stand in the back with our brother and sister-in law and then carried the bread and wine up to the priest for communion.
11) After said Baptism and all the pictures were taken, I got to hold her first whereas last time, I had to wait what seemed like an eternity. I love that little girl so much and am so very grateful to be even a small part of her life.
12) We got to see all of Andrew's side of the family and hung out and laughed and joked. I am so blessed to have two such wonderful families in my life.
13) We got home early enough last night to catch up (almost) on dvr'd shows and ordered a pizza.
14) My daddy and his friend fixed the screen on our screened in back porch and it looks awesome! One more thing can be checked off the list of "to-do's" for our house. Next goal: the purple couch.
15) I went to bed happy, even though I knew I would be waking up to Monday morning. In thinking about writing this blog, I was reminded of all of the people in my life who love and support me. Sometimes, it's so easy to make oneself feel so all alone when all you have to do is look around you to notice that you are anything but.
Here's to a new week of positives!
I too often find myself getting caught up in everything that could be just a little bit better in life and then have no room to think on all of the positives. If I keep this up, there won't be any more positives floating around me to keep me going. I don't like who I am when I become ultra critical of my surroundings, wishing to have more from everything and everyone. I can't change anything or anyone. All I can do is improve upon myself and set boundaries when I start to become a little more involved than what is truly needed. I always want to put a band-aid on everything to somehow secure the hurt that someone is going through, even if it's just for a little while. Sometimes, I forget that I have days when I need this too. My hope is that this new segment I have promised myself to do on a weekly basis, will help me keep what's important in my mind should I have a difficult day.
So here is my first weekly update full of things that I am especially grateful during the week of
7/30/12-8/5/12:
1) Andrew and I got to go out to dinner with my parents to Carabbas on Tuesday. It's so nice to be able to see them more often since we've moved to Asheville.
2) I finished my Jodi Picoult book and it ended better than I thought it would. It took me two months to read because I kept getting so frustrated with what looked like the end result was going to be. She is my hero when it comes to writing and she has inspired me to write more.
3) In the midst of a very stressful, challenging week at work, one of my co-workers and I found the time to laugh until we cried. Perhaps it was part delirium, but sometimes the best cries are via laughter.
4) My husband took me out on a date Friday night.
5) On date night we got to experience the best soft pretzels and homemade mustard either of us had ever had. Mmmmmm. Soft pretzels. I'm seriously drooling.
6) Lorelai slam dunked a Kleenex into the waste basket one morning when I was getting ready for work. I don't think she's quite ready for the kitty olympics but I refuse to be a stage mom and only want her to continue playing as long as it makes her happy.
7) I downloaded the newest Brandi Carlile c.d. and it. is amazing! Sometimes all it takes is good music to get out of a funk.
8) We got to hang out like old times with Pat and Jenn (my brother and sister-in-law). We ate Mexican food and then went back to their house and talked about t.v shows and movies.
9) My parents took care of our pets while we were out of town. This might seem miniscule to some but it is so nice to know that our critters are in good hands while we are away. I can't say how many times I have had a hard time focusing on having a nice weekend getaway because my brain is stuck on worrying about whether or not the pets are OK.
10) Andrew and I were asked to be a part of our newest niece's Baptism. We got to stand in the back with our brother and sister-in law and then carried the bread and wine up to the priest for communion.
11) After said Baptism and all the pictures were taken, I got to hold her first whereas last time, I had to wait what seemed like an eternity. I love that little girl so much and am so very grateful to be even a small part of her life.
12) We got to see all of Andrew's side of the family and hung out and laughed and joked. I am so blessed to have two such wonderful families in my life.
13) We got home early enough last night to catch up (almost) on dvr'd shows and ordered a pizza.
14) My daddy and his friend fixed the screen on our screened in back porch and it looks awesome! One more thing can be checked off the list of "to-do's" for our house. Next goal: the purple couch.
15) I went to bed happy, even though I knew I would be waking up to Monday morning. In thinking about writing this blog, I was reminded of all of the people in my life who love and support me. Sometimes, it's so easy to make oneself feel so all alone when all you have to do is look around you to notice that you are anything but.
Here's to a new week of positives!
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