It's official. I have started writing a novel.
So far, it's only three short chapters of nothing but random and 1874 words, but it's a start.
I want to start off by saying that I have woken up every morning since writing my last two blog entries, wanting to apologize for the lines written in a slue of self pity. The truth is, I'm not really sorry. (I'm not even sorry for just enjoying a white chocolate mocha with a butterfinger cookie for breakfast...so there!) Maybe that makes me a bad person? Who knows. All I can say is that I apologize for everything, including how I feel about any given thing and I think that has somehow turned into me taking responsibility for things and circumstances that I have no control over.
I can't solve and/or fix every little problem that comes my way. As much as I would like to, and I will never stop trying, but I feel like it's my turn to stop and try to figure out what I want and need out of this life. I stayed in a position for 10 years because I was scared of the insecurities that would come along with leaving the job. I didn't want to disappoint anyone nor did I want to start over.
But now I have and I've gone through every emotion I imagine possible. I've worried what everyone would think of me. I've worried about money and helping provide. I've worried about not having a purpose. I've worried about having to decide on something quickly, only to be put in the same situation once again for another 10 years.
What happened to the adults that told you to follow your dreams when you were a child? Why do they seem to disappear when you've suddenly become an adult yourself?
Ironically, the truth that I have found in these last few weeks, is that I'm fine.I have a crazy wonderful support system and nothing else matters. Life goes on and it's my turn to take on some challenges of my own. I can't be held back by my demons masked as insecurities, blaming others for ideas and thoughts that they most likely don't even think. And if they do, who cares? It doesn't affect them in any way shape or form. I've been preaching in my mind for so long to simply live my life and to not let everyone else control it, it's time that I start listening.
So I've started writing a novel. Perhaps it will be a work of greatness. Perhaps it won't. The point is, I've started.
And for now, that's enough for me.
'I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm supposed to be
Some day we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me'
Rainbow Connection- Kermit the Frog
So far, it's only three short chapters of nothing but random and 1874 words, but it's a start.
I want to start off by saying that I have woken up every morning since writing my last two blog entries, wanting to apologize for the lines written in a slue of self pity. The truth is, I'm not really sorry. (I'm not even sorry for just enjoying a white chocolate mocha with a butterfinger cookie for breakfast...so there!) Maybe that makes me a bad person? Who knows. All I can say is that I apologize for everything, including how I feel about any given thing and I think that has somehow turned into me taking responsibility for things and circumstances that I have no control over.
I can't solve and/or fix every little problem that comes my way. As much as I would like to, and I will never stop trying, but I feel like it's my turn to stop and try to figure out what I want and need out of this life. I stayed in a position for 10 years because I was scared of the insecurities that would come along with leaving the job. I didn't want to disappoint anyone nor did I want to start over.
But now I have and I've gone through every emotion I imagine possible. I've worried what everyone would think of me. I've worried about money and helping provide. I've worried about not having a purpose. I've worried about having to decide on something quickly, only to be put in the same situation once again for another 10 years.
What happened to the adults that told you to follow your dreams when you were a child? Why do they seem to disappear when you've suddenly become an adult yourself?
Ironically, the truth that I have found in these last few weeks, is that I'm fine.I have a crazy wonderful support system and nothing else matters. Life goes on and it's my turn to take on some challenges of my own. I can't be held back by my demons masked as insecurities, blaming others for ideas and thoughts that they most likely don't even think. And if they do, who cares? It doesn't affect them in any way shape or form. I've been preaching in my mind for so long to simply live my life and to not let everyone else control it, it's time that I start listening.
So I've started writing a novel. Perhaps it will be a work of greatness. Perhaps it won't. The point is, I've started.
And for now, that's enough for me.
'I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm supposed to be
Some day we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me'
Rainbow Connection- Kermit the Frog
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