Hit Me With Your Best Shot

I have a new motto and it is precisely this: Let them come to me.

I have always been the initiator in keeping in touch with people, whether it's old co-workers, friends, family, ect. I'm usually the first one to write or to pick up the phone, which makes it that much more of a special event when someone actually beats me to it. I know that lives get busy. Heck, my own life seems to never stop beating. I know that I am constantly thinking about other people and how much I miss seeing or talking to them on a regular basis. My hope is that  they think about me as often.

But gestures matter to me. Sometimes so much that it hurts my feelings when it seems I am the only one trying to keep things going. I know deep down that a lot of these feelings stem down to my paranoia of people not liking me. I know this isn't true but leave me alone to think about it for more than 5 minutes and I will have convinced myself that the world in general doesn't except me and that this includes everyone else I have ever known or will ever meet.

I was that girl who sat by the phone, willing it to ring. I can't remember a time when I didn't feel as though I was waiting for something to happen. In a way, I still am that little girl and I'm tired of waiting.

I want to soar.

And I refuse to let others' actions, or lack there of, hold me back from flying to the highest peak I can possibly get to. It is no fault but my own in that I have let this happen again and again. I offer excuse upon excuse as to why I didn't just go out on my own; by myself to explore the great wide open. I have forever wanted, and sometimes even claimed, to be confident and independent. I don't need to rely on anyone else in order to make myself happy.

My happiness lies within my hands alone, with maybe a little help from whoever is looking out for us up above.

It's so easy to let oneself get settled within the twines of everyday life. But I don't want to keep putting off my dreams because I'm too exhausted or because I have a headache or because I can always do it tomorrow or the next day. There are no guarantees that there will be a next day so the challenge is this:

GET OFF OF YOUR ASS MARY AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!! STOP MAKING EXCUSES THAT YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH OR TALENTED ENOUGH TO MAKE A MARK ON THIS WORLD. HOW WILL YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T EVEN TRY? STOP COMPLAINING AND IF YOU FAIL, YOU FAIL. YOU JUST GET RIGHT BACK UP AND TRY AGAIN IN YOUR NEXT ADVENTURE. DON'T GIVE UP. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. FLY DAMN IT!!!

Just spread your dusty wings

...and fly.

"Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when I say,

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,"
Sugarland