So, I say "I'm sorry" alot. I mean, pretty much at least 100 times a day. You fall over, I'm no where near you or perhaps even in another room, and I'll apologize. If you tell me that you're husband is cheating on you or that you're allergic to milk, I'll apologize.If I turn the corner and you're coming at me in the same direction and we collide or not, I apologize.
You get the point.
I've found that this fact about me brings upon many an emotion from people. They either get confused and say: "it's not your fault", they get angry and say "why are you always apologizing?" and then they punch me in the face and run around the building screaming/demonically laughing "I punched Mary!! I punched Mary in. the FACE!"....(OK. This has never really happened but I see the look in their eye. I know what they're thinking.) , Or, my personal favorite, they think they're a comedian "why are you such a sorry person?"
Har.Dee.Har.
Hilarious.
One time I got psychoanalyzed and my immediate reaction was to make something up so I replied "Sometimes it's just easier to take the blame than to blame someone else." And she looked at me with her therapy eyes and I knew she wanted to have me lie down on her couch so badly and dig deeper into the whelms of why I'm so complicated.
I'm really not that complicated.
I'm like Natalie Portman's character in the movie 'Garden State', Sometimes I just say things that aren't even remotely true. It's a nervous tick I have when all of the attention is on me and I'm not sure why I do it. Words just spill out of my mouth and I keep talking until the attention is finally turned onto someone else. I imagine it's pretty humorous to the person(s) with me who know I'm lying/not completely telling the truth. For example, the last yard sale we had, a lady came up to me with a book that was apparently on Oprah's Reader's Choice list (or whatever it's called) and she asked me if I had read it just because Oprah had recommended it? I enthusiastically replied "Yes! I do love Oprah!", and commenced avoiding to make eye contact with my brother because I knew he heard me and I knew he knew I was lying. I don't know why I had the sudden urge to seek approval from this stranger, but I did just the same and she didn't even buy the damn book.
Karma. It's a bitch.
I seemed to have gotten off track.
Back to the over-apologize-ing. (Yep. I just made up a new word). It's not that I ever think these circumstances, issues, whatever are truly my fault. Sometimes I just don't know what else to say. And I truly am sorry. I don't want to see people I care about, anyone really, in pain. When approached with the question "Why are you apologizing"?, I find myself getting defensive and feel the need to explain myself to said person. (I'm actually kind of doing this very thing via writing this blog...) It's silly really. It's not that I have anything to prove. I just don't understand why it seems to bother people so much. One of my former bosses literally seemed to get annoyed every time that I said I was sorry for something. I found myself swallowing my words around her whenever I felt the need to say it so that she wouldn't attack me over merely being polite.
Maybe it's my southern heritage. I should perhaps research this and see what I find. I have noticed, just via being an observer of people, since I've moved back to the mountains, the endearment of apologizing for everything seems more common coming from us mountain folk than from the bigger city folk. Hmm. Now I have a new explanation for the next time someone asks me.
But seriously. I'm not quite sure what the big deal is. Maybe they think that I don't mean it? Or that when something is truly my fault and I say it, it's less meaningful? I don't know. I'm not really sure why I let it get to me, but I do just the same.
I have found recently that I do get annoyed with myself when I find I'm apologizing for the way I feel about any given situation. I tend to cry no matter how I'm feeling whether it's happy, sad, angry, upset, confused, painful. Once the waterworks begin, there's really no stopping it. This, I have found, makes some people uncomfortable.Then I feel the need to apologize for crying. It's a vicious cycle with no worthy explanation. I guess my point is this: does it truly affect a person's well being if I feel the need to say "I'm sorry"? Does it affect my well being?
The answer to both questions is "no".
So just move on and accept my sincere apologies.
Thank you and have a nice day.
"I wish I was like you easily amused
Find my nest of salt, everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame, ill concede from shame
Sunburn, freezerburn, choking on the ashes of her enemy"
Nirvana- All Apologies
You get the point.
I've found that this fact about me brings upon many an emotion from people. They either get confused and say: "it's not your fault", they get angry and say "why are you always apologizing?" and then they punch me in the face and run around the building screaming/demonically laughing "I punched Mary!! I punched Mary in. the FACE!"....(OK. This has never really happened but I see the look in their eye. I know what they're thinking.) , Or, my personal favorite, they think they're a comedian "why are you such a sorry person?"
Har.Dee.Har.
Hilarious.
One time I got psychoanalyzed and my immediate reaction was to make something up so I replied "Sometimes it's just easier to take the blame than to blame someone else." And she looked at me with her therapy eyes and I knew she wanted to have me lie down on her couch so badly and dig deeper into the whelms of why I'm so complicated.
I'm really not that complicated.
I'm like Natalie Portman's character in the movie 'Garden State', Sometimes I just say things that aren't even remotely true. It's a nervous tick I have when all of the attention is on me and I'm not sure why I do it. Words just spill out of my mouth and I keep talking until the attention is finally turned onto someone else. I imagine it's pretty humorous to the person(s) with me who know I'm lying/not completely telling the truth. For example, the last yard sale we had, a lady came up to me with a book that was apparently on Oprah's Reader's Choice list (or whatever it's called) and she asked me if I had read it just because Oprah had recommended it? I enthusiastically replied "Yes! I do love Oprah!", and commenced avoiding to make eye contact with my brother because I knew he heard me and I knew he knew I was lying. I don't know why I had the sudden urge to seek approval from this stranger, but I did just the same and she didn't even buy the damn book.
Karma. It's a bitch.
I seemed to have gotten off track.
Back to the over-apologize-ing. (Yep. I just made up a new word). It's not that I ever think these circumstances, issues, whatever are truly my fault. Sometimes I just don't know what else to say. And I truly am sorry. I don't want to see people I care about, anyone really, in pain. When approached with the question "Why are you apologizing"?, I find myself getting defensive and feel the need to explain myself to said person. (I'm actually kind of doing this very thing via writing this blog...) It's silly really. It's not that I have anything to prove. I just don't understand why it seems to bother people so much. One of my former bosses literally seemed to get annoyed every time that I said I was sorry for something. I found myself swallowing my words around her whenever I felt the need to say it so that she wouldn't attack me over merely being polite.
Maybe it's my southern heritage. I should perhaps research this and see what I find. I have noticed, just via being an observer of people, since I've moved back to the mountains, the endearment of apologizing for everything seems more common coming from us mountain folk than from the bigger city folk. Hmm. Now I have a new explanation for the next time someone asks me.
But seriously. I'm not quite sure what the big deal is. Maybe they think that I don't mean it? Or that when something is truly my fault and I say it, it's less meaningful? I don't know. I'm not really sure why I let it get to me, but I do just the same.
I have found recently that I do get annoyed with myself when I find I'm apologizing for the way I feel about any given situation. I tend to cry no matter how I'm feeling whether it's happy, sad, angry, upset, confused, painful. Once the waterworks begin, there's really no stopping it. This, I have found, makes some people uncomfortable.Then I feel the need to apologize for crying. It's a vicious cycle with no worthy explanation. I guess my point is this: does it truly affect a person's well being if I feel the need to say "I'm sorry"? Does it affect my well being?
The answer to both questions is "no".
So just move on and accept my sincere apologies.
Thank you and have a nice day.
"I wish I was like you easily amused
Find my nest of salt, everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame, ill concede from shame
Sunburn, freezerburn, choking on the ashes of her enemy"
Nirvana- All Apologies
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