This is the first weekend since Christmas that I have had off with no plans in the working what so ever. This opportunity gives me the chance to catch up on reading the 2 books I've started in the past couple of months, doing some things around the house and checking off the few million items I've written on my to do list and haven't had the time to accomplish yet. They're miniscule tasks such as hanging the wine rack Andrew got me for Christmas and stringing up the white lights and cute lanterns along our back screened in porch that I ordered months ago from Amazon.
It both excites and intimidates me when I have any extra time to spend. This is usually because I often find such time spent catching up on what I like to call "fluff" shows (aka Pretty Little Liars, Switched at Birth or whatever I happen to find on my Netflix cue.....in other words, shows I can watch when Andrew is not around and I won't feel judged because I can watch them in my own privacy without feeling embarrassed.)
I stand by Bunheads though. It has graduated from a potential fluff show to one I thoroughly enjoy. Yay for Amy Sherman Palladino! It's not quite Gilmore Girls but it gives me the same sort of fix.
Forgive me, I have strayed, which ironically, is my point. I get distracted too easily during these days and many times end up doing nothing remotely close to what I would have liked to accomplish because it's so easy to get caught up doing absolutely nothing. Then I feel guilty and lazy. I admit, it is nice to have complete lounge days but it's so easy for me to get stuck.
I have always been a procrastinator. I eventually get it done but I work better under pressure. All of my book reports, projects, ect that I had to do when I was in school were done last minute and I always did well on them.( Ask my Mom why it has taken me years not to cringe every time I see an otter ...another story for another time.)
I also work better when I have a set deadline. It's so easy to keep saying, "I'll just do it tomorrow" when the tomorrows never end.
My main obstacle is that I have a tendency to over plan. Ask Andrew about our upcoming trip to Oregon and the multiple post its I have stuck onto nearly every page in the 2 travel books I bought. There is no relaxation when it comes to vacationing with me. When it comes to traveling, "Adventure" is my middle name. I want to see and do everything. You only live once and when opportunity comes knocking, open the door and fly high with invisible wings.
I can have this frame of mind when I have something to look forward to, but when it comes to everyday life, it's so hard for me to get motivated. There are so many things I want to be and do when I grow up.The list just keeps getting longer and I find it so damn hard to figure out what it is I want to do first. My brain goes in every different direction possible and I get flustered and annoyed with myself, therefore doing nothing.
My focus is so obscured. It takes me forever to figure out what it is I want to do with my time and I find myself spending more time thinking instead of doing. The funny thing is that I feel so much better about myself and so much more accomplished when I do small chores around the house, other than cleaning, or if I learn a new song on guitar or finish an art project. Somewhere along the way I have convinced myself that I can't do it all therefore I have to choose just one.
I'm coming to realize, 32 years later, that maybe, just maybe, I can do all of these things. I don't have to be the best at everything. It's not a contest. The only person I really compete with is myself. I enjoy doing all of these things so why can't I just do them and enjoy every moment of every breath used to fulfill the daily cravings of "something more".
The truth is, I'm so very lucky. Nothing so traumatic has occurred in my life to stop me from being the person I want to be. I've climbed many up hill battles but came out stronger because of them. I truly have no excuse though on any given day, I'm sure to come up with one in an instant should I not feel brave enough to face my fear of trying something new and failing. I just watched a movie where a similar conversation happened between father and son, From Take Me Home Tonight:
Matt Franklin: I'm... I'm just messed up, OK? I don't know what I want to do. And I'm sorry I'm such a fucking failure!
Bill Franklin: You haven't really failed, son, because you haven't really tried to succeed. So don't credit yourself as a failure. You're worse than that.
(Yes. This is a perfect example of another fluff movie. I admit I was surprised to find the hidden message within these few sentences.)
The only difference is that I have this conversation with myself every day. Now you're thinking I have multiple personalities. This may be true, but I think in reality, we all have multiple conversations in our minds on a daily basis. It's which side we choose to listen to that counts. Today, I choose to listen to the more challenging side of my personality.
Today, I'm going to go outside and take in the lingering Winter air slowly turning to Spring. I'm going to play guitar and sing my heart out. I'm going to hang those damn lanterns.
Today, I'm going to live.
"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." -Leonardo da Vinci
It both excites and intimidates me when I have any extra time to spend. This is usually because I often find such time spent catching up on what I like to call "fluff" shows (aka Pretty Little Liars, Switched at Birth or whatever I happen to find on my Netflix cue.....in other words, shows I can watch when Andrew is not around and I won't feel judged because I can watch them in my own privacy without feeling embarrassed.)
I stand by Bunheads though. It has graduated from a potential fluff show to one I thoroughly enjoy. Yay for Amy Sherman Palladino! It's not quite Gilmore Girls but it gives me the same sort of fix.
Forgive me, I have strayed, which ironically, is my point. I get distracted too easily during these days and many times end up doing nothing remotely close to what I would have liked to accomplish because it's so easy to get caught up doing absolutely nothing. Then I feel guilty and lazy. I admit, it is nice to have complete lounge days but it's so easy for me to get stuck.
I have always been a procrastinator. I eventually get it done but I work better under pressure. All of my book reports, projects, ect that I had to do when I was in school were done last minute and I always did well on them.( Ask my Mom why it has taken me years not to cringe every time I see an otter ...another story for another time.)
I also work better when I have a set deadline. It's so easy to keep saying, "I'll just do it tomorrow" when the tomorrows never end.
My main obstacle is that I have a tendency to over plan. Ask Andrew about our upcoming trip to Oregon and the multiple post its I have stuck onto nearly every page in the 2 travel books I bought. There is no relaxation when it comes to vacationing with me. When it comes to traveling, "Adventure" is my middle name. I want to see and do everything. You only live once and when opportunity comes knocking, open the door and fly high with invisible wings.
I can have this frame of mind when I have something to look forward to, but when it comes to everyday life, it's so hard for me to get motivated. There are so many things I want to be and do when I grow up.The list just keeps getting longer and I find it so damn hard to figure out what it is I want to do first. My brain goes in every different direction possible and I get flustered and annoyed with myself, therefore doing nothing.
My focus is so obscured. It takes me forever to figure out what it is I want to do with my time and I find myself spending more time thinking instead of doing. The funny thing is that I feel so much better about myself and so much more accomplished when I do small chores around the house, other than cleaning, or if I learn a new song on guitar or finish an art project. Somewhere along the way I have convinced myself that I can't do it all therefore I have to choose just one.
I'm coming to realize, 32 years later, that maybe, just maybe, I can do all of these things. I don't have to be the best at everything. It's not a contest. The only person I really compete with is myself. I enjoy doing all of these things so why can't I just do them and enjoy every moment of every breath used to fulfill the daily cravings of "something more".
The truth is, I'm so very lucky. Nothing so traumatic has occurred in my life to stop me from being the person I want to be. I've climbed many up hill battles but came out stronger because of them. I truly have no excuse though on any given day, I'm sure to come up with one in an instant should I not feel brave enough to face my fear of trying something new and failing. I just watched a movie where a similar conversation happened between father and son, From Take Me Home Tonight:
Matt Franklin: I'm... I'm just messed up, OK? I don't know what I want to do. And I'm sorry I'm such a fucking failure!
Bill Franklin: You haven't really failed, son, because you haven't really tried to succeed. So don't credit yourself as a failure. You're worse than that.
(Yes. This is a perfect example of another fluff movie. I admit I was surprised to find the hidden message within these few sentences.)
The only difference is that I have this conversation with myself every day. Now you're thinking I have multiple personalities. This may be true, but I think in reality, we all have multiple conversations in our minds on a daily basis. It's which side we choose to listen to that counts. Today, I choose to listen to the more challenging side of my personality.
Today, I'm going to go outside and take in the lingering Winter air slowly turning to Spring. I'm going to play guitar and sing my heart out. I'm going to hang those damn lanterns.
Today, I'm going to live.
"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." -Leonardo da Vinci
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